I've written and deleted this post several times throughout the lifespan of my blog. I don't know if I'll regret posting this, whether it will be deleted before anyone can read it or if it will stay on my blog as a proud badge of honour.
Why do I want to share something that is causing me so much anguish. Simple. Because it might help someone, somewhere. My biggest fear about sharing such a profound aspect of my life is that people may visit my blog just because of it, I am scared I may get pity views or nice comments purely based on the fact that I have a diagnosis. I can deal with the negative comments, I'm used to that. I've had several years practice dealing with nastiness and negativity but I've had little practice accepting positive comments and it scares me. What if people are okay with reading an autistic girls lifestyle blog? Can I be both a beauty blogger and share my experiences of having autism?
Part of me feels I need to be one or the other and that's why it's taken me so long to declare it. I feel like my blog, and my personality in many ways, needs to be wholly about autism or wholly about 'normal things'. It's one or the other and that split personality style of thought has prevented me from seeing myself as a whole person and that causes me a lot of sadness. There is more to me than my diagnosis but I can never be without it.
So let's count this admission as an experiment. Seeing if I can accept both aspects of my self, the 'normal' side of me that likes bath bombs and writing about packaging and the 'autistic' side of me that shares life experiences in the hope of helping others. I will hopefully be sharing more about life with autism but for now let's just say it out loud.
I'm Katrina Fox, 28, Lifestyle blogger living with autism.
Nice to finally meet you.